When your emotions are running wild, you’re not going to be very good at decision-making, and may make things worse.
What you need to do, as soon as possible, is restore your logical thinking, then your decisions will be much better, working from a state of relative calm.
The questions below have proven to be an effective way of bringing down the temperature and restoring some calm thinking.
- What emotions are you feeling?
- Why are you feeling this way?
- What’s the bigger picture around the cause?
- What are the facts of the case?
[optional] What is the positive intent of the other party?
- How might this affect your purpose/passion/agenda?
- Does it really matter so much?
- What is the most appropriate next action to take?
Then, just calmly start to act.
The optional question, suggested by a Let’s Talk member, is useful when the trigger is someone else’s behaviour or actions. It is based on the notion that all behaviour is chosen because the individual believes it to be their best course of action, even if this is self-serving. Reflecting on this may open your eyes to other factors hidden by your emotional reaction.
If you seriously attempt to answer these questions in order, you’ll notice the emotions calming, and some more clarity emerging.
The hard part is triggering this process at the right time.
Make sure to have these questions somewhere handy, or even ask your partner to remind you of them when you’re venting. You may even like to turn them into a paper form to fill out and keep a few copies in your notebook.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
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